How to handle beggars. It works! English. Tue, Aug 26, 2008.

08/26/2008. 1060. Wow! This was a whole new feeling. I've done similar things, but this event really changed my attitude and how I feel about giving money to people on the street or who beg at intersections.

I was getting off the Interstate on my way to an appointment. At the end of the ramp, there was a scruffy man holding up a sign that said he was a homeless veteran. From my experience, and going by what real vetetans tell me, this guy probably wasn't. His face also told me he was likely a hard-core alcoholic.

The light turned red just as I got there, and I avoided eye contact with him, so he actually stood slightly behind my car, off to the side. I had time to reach into the back seat and grab some DVDs, and I chose "The Testaments" out of the bunch. I got out a dollar bill and held it against the DVD case with one hand, rolled down the window and called him over, holding it so that he could plainly see the dollar bill on top.

He politely took the dollar and the DVD. I said that if he didn't have a DVD player he could give it or sell it to someone else. He took it back to his standing spot, and put the DVD case down on the ground with his other stuff. By then the light changed, and I took off and he went back to holding his sign up.

As I drove away, I realized I felt better about this encounter than I have with almost any other beggar. Even if the $1.00 goes to booze, it was a cheap price for me to pay in order to create an opportunity to get some kind of gospel material in his hand. So realizing that, I have no stress or indecision or worry about whether this guy was truly needy or deserving or worthy in any way. It just doesn't matter any more. The $1.00 was just the opportunity cost to me. I've spent plenty more buying meals at restaurants or making trips just to place gospel material. In fact, spending $1.00 to create an opportunity is cheap compared to the $800/month cost of supporting a full-time missionary companionship. Do missionaries make 800 contacts per month? What is the cost-per-contact of two full-time missionaries? I think I got off cheap. It's not a waste, no matter what he does with the dollar, as long as he watches, or someone else watches that DVD. And if he sells the DVD to someone instead of giving it away or keeping it, it still doesn't matter, because another person is exposed to gospel material.

English at laundromat. Mon, May 5, 2008.

05/05/2008. 1017. I was doing a late-nighter at the 24/7 laundromat. The previous time I was there, a street-person hit me up just as I was getting into my car, and discombobulated me (which is usually their intention) such that I didn’t give them anything except money.

This week, I had just put the soap and fabric softener back in the car and was walking back towards the front door, a man on a bicycle hit me up for “bus fare.” He smelled of alcohol too, but technically could have been telling the truth since many Indianapolis buses have bike-racks on the front of them.

A post on the Feminist Mormon Housewives blog popped into mind, so I reached into my pocket and got out some change (I still had an excess of quarters). I told him I liked to give out Bibles, and asked if he needed a Bible. He said he had three Bibles at home. I said that’s great, and that our church believes in the both the Bible and the Book of Mormon, and I asked if he’d like a free Book of Mormon too.

He got a curious look on his face. I forget his immediate answer, but I felt it was appropriate to go back and get out a copy from my car. I gave him the quarters, and presented the Book of Mormon, which he accepted. He invited me to accompany him into the laundromat in the waiting area up front, and he asked me what it’s about. I responded with a quick sound-bite about believing in the Old Testament, the New Testament, and Another Testament, which is the third testament of Christ.

I believed he wasn’t going to be welcomed into the laundromat since he wasn’t a customer, smelled of alcohol, and they are picky about non-customers using the restrooms etc.

Besides, even though many alcoholics have a high tolerance level of alcohol, and can appear to be lucid (as he mostly was) when they have a high blood-alcohol percentage (it was coming out of the pores of his skin) there’s no good in preaching or sharing the gospel with someone who is under the influence. The best you can do is give them something (card, flyer, pamphlet, etc) that they can use to follow-up with when they sober up and if they're still interested when they’re sober. He was sober enough to ride a bike, so calling the police wasn’t needed, and getting himself home was up to him.

I think the best I could do was give him his $1, and get the book in his hands (and get him out of the laundromat), hoping that if he didn’t keep it and read it later, he’d pass it along (or even sell it, I don’t care) to someone who might really read it.

So after the “donations” and the sound-bite, I excused myself and went back to check on my wash, and then he left.

The BoM I gave him was in a plastic ziplock bag, was marked inside, had 2 pass-along cards in it, and a flyer listing the addresses of the local chapels with meeting times.

$1 and "Joy to the World" DVD to beggar at gas station. Thu, Nov 29, 2007.

11/29/2007. 922. I was gassing up the car, and made eye contact with a pedestrian standing on the gas station property. I averted my eyes, but knew it was too late, and knew that he was going to hit me up for some money.

He approached and, from a respectful distance, asked for 51 cents. I said sure, just wait until I finish gassing up the car.

While I was still continuing to pump gas in the car, and I asked him for his story, why he needed 51 cents. He said "I'm not going to lie to you, I'm going to buy a beer with it." Then he said that he actually needed more than 51 cents, but that's all he wanted to ask of one person.

I finished, and asked if he had a video player or DVD player, because I wanted to give him a video from my church. He said he did, or knew someone who did, and I said I had a video from church I wanted to give him. I got back in the car and handed him a $1 bill and the "Joy to the World" DVD that I had on the front passenger seat.

English pass-along card to beggar. Mon, Nov 19, 2007.

11/19/2007. 920. My friend and I stopped in Jonesboro Arkansas on our way back to Indianapolis. The trip had taken a day longer than we planned so we did a load of laundry so we could wear clean clothes the next day.

As we stood in front of the hotel near the laundry, a man approached us and told us his sob story of needing some money to buy his wife some prescription medicine. He was very humble and had a good story that I hadn't heard before. I wasn't convinced that it was a legitimate story, but it was unique, and it was a good story, so I gave him some money. He was very grateful. I didn't have a smaller bill so I gave him what I had. He wanted my address to pay it back, but I said to just "pay it forward" to someone else who needed help or give it to his church as a donation.

It wasn't until after he walked away that I realized I hadn't offered him a pass-along card, so I ran after him and gave him a customized Book of Mormon pass-along card. I explained that we believe the Bible and the Book of Mormon, and that he could call the 800 number on it for a free Book of Mormon.

English at gas station. Fri, Nov 9, 2007.

11/09/2007. 915. Still on my way home from visiting friends, I stopped at another gas station to get a snack. I didn't see any opportunities until a scruffy looking guy hit me up for some gas to get him home. He really wanted gas, not just money, and had a gas can. I hope I've learned a lesson about beggars, and that they also present missionary opportunities. See here and here.

I went in and pre-paid a few dollars for him. While he was filling his gas can, I presented him an English KJV paperback Bible and a Book of Mormon which he accepted. My conversation starter was that I like to give out Bibles, and I asked if he wanted it, and he said okay. I then said at my church we believe the Bible and the Book of Mormon, and asked if he'd like that too, and he said okay.

I realize he was kind of socially obligated to accept them, but I don't feel any awkwardness about it.

As I drove away, I did see him pour the gas can into his truck, and there was someone else in the truck with him. He did say that his wife was with him.

Chinese DVD at restaurant. English Bible to beggar. Wed, Oct 24, 2007.

10/24/2007. Journal entry. Follow up at a Chinese restaurant that I haven't been to in a while. I think the last time I ate here was in 2004 or 2005, and they accepted a Chinese Book of Mormon, and maybe an English copy. (That part of my journal is on a hard drive that won't boot, and I haven't recovered the data.) Tonight after finishing my meal there, I stopped by the counter and offered the cook/cashier (he was the only one on duty) a "Finding Happiness" DVD, which he accepted.

It was interesting in that I believe I was directed of the Spirit to go there, and in so doing, began a cross town trip that included an interesting chain of events, and another lesson for me.

10/24/2007. 905. LDS KJV Bible to beggar/hitch-hiker. I left the Chinese restaurant and headed down the road on my way home. It was a well-travelled 5 lane street (2 lanes in each direction plus a center turn lane.) Therefore, when a pedestrian was crossing it, I completely stopped even though I didn't have to in order to let him cross. That also started a chain of events.

Right after letting him cross, I believe I was spiritually directed to go to a discount store as I passed it. I didn't really need anything, but since I can always add a little to my "year's supply", it wouldn't hurt.

The man crossing the street also went to the same store, and got to the front door just before me, and held it open for me.

When in the store, and towards the back, looking for something I needed to stock up on, the same man asked for my help. At that point I felt he had targeted me, because I had been kind to him and allowed him to cross. I also have a "sap" face, and I know I attract street people asking for handouts. Well, I "target" people for the purpose of giving out books, so I figured I'd at least let him have his say.

I also felt confident that this encounter was meant to be. I had been directed to that store. So after his pitch, I asked him to wait outside for me while I finished shopping. He had said he hadn't eaten in 2 days, but I could detect alcohol on his breath. At the last minute before checking out, I got a loaf of whole wheat bread to give him.

I talked to him again after I checked out and went outside.

He wasn't entirely forthcoming in his answers, but he seemed honest "enough." He said he needed a ride to his mother's on the other side of town, but first needed to get his stuff from a motel up the street.

So I took him up the street, and the motel was a real dive. He got his stuff together, and made a phone call to let them know he was coming. I probably should have asked for their number, and called them on my cell phone, in order to confirm it was legitimate and that they really wanted him to come by. But again, the Spirit confirmed that even though this guy wasn't entirely open, it was okay to help him.

He put his stuff in the back seat, and we headed across town. I said I bought him a loaf of bread, and he said he didn't want it. I was a little put off by that. If he really hadn't eaten in a couple of days, he wouldn't be turning down fresh food. When I asked what kind of food he wanted, he suggested we stop at a restaurant. I probably would have stopped the car and told him to get out at that point, but I had to remind myself of how we met, so I tried to keep it polite.

I also remembered a lesson I learned September 10th about beggars and opportunities. And I remembered that it doesn't really matter if they are telling the truth or not, as long as the encounter turns into an opportunity to share gospel material. So in the big picture it didn't matter whether he was totally honest, or totally forthcoming, or legitimate or deserving in his requests.

At this point I knew I was being played, at least to some degree, and it stung. And my frustration probably showed. However, I realized I needed to be humble, and not blow this opportunity to share something. I didn't entirely succeed, but at least I had an opportunity to do a little better than I did on September 10th.

I told him I'd stop at a grocery store to get something for him. I asked what he wanted, and he said a couple of TV dinners and a bag of chips. So when we got off the highway, I went to a popular grocery store a block out of the way. Again, he seemed a little too choosey for someone in his alleged situation, but I tried (not entirely successfully) to be non-judgemental and humble about it.

We eventually got to his mother's apartment, and I gave him 3 or 4 dollars, which was the last folding money I had on me. Normally, I don't give money, but again, this situation was special.

I had offered him a Bible, and he agreed to receive one, so I retrieved an LDS edition King James Bible from the trunk and gave it to him. I had given him the choice of a King James or a New International Version, and he chose the King James. I made sure there was a pass-along card and an info-flyer in it.

I went to the front door with him. He knocked and a lady answered, and recognized him and acted like he was expected. I asked if she knew him, and she said he was her son. So I was satisfied that I had not been involved in anything nefarious, or caused things to be worse than before getting involved.

Now the cool part of the story really starts here, as I realized that even if nothing came of this encounter, there were some people to meet on the way back.

English to guy on street. Mon, Sep 10, 2007.

09/10/2007. 885. After eating I shopped at a couple stores for some stuff on sale, then went to a Single Adult "Family Home Evening" at a chapel not too far from my home. After that, I shopped at a nearby Kroger and stocked up on some soup that was on sale, plus some store brand canned vegetables. The first two stores were "normal sale" stuff, that is usually on sale at least every other month. But the soup on sale at Kroger was really really on sale, at prices I haven't seen this low since seven months ago, so I really really stocked up.

After leaving Kroger and heading home, I stopped at a Village Pantry convenience store. I think it was prompted, but I'm not sure. The cashier was an English-speaking Caucasian-American guy, so I only bought a newspaper and made no placement attempts.

Outside on my way back to my car, a man asked for spare change. I shook my head "no," and made a "no" gesture with my hand. However, something clicked. The guy was very thin, and very humble and meek, not the agressive "player" type of pan-handler who has a manipulative story with lots of ready answers.

Now maybe the whipped-puppy routine was just his act. But he looked underweight, and it ocurred to me to buy him some food at the convenience store. My rule, though I've violated it a few times, is to give food, not money. And a humble underweight person has a better chance of getting me to give them some food than does someone who's overweight and/or being manipulative.

I put my paper in the car, and went back to him, and offered to buy him some food, and he agreed. He stank of body odor, alcohol and tobacco. He could have been buzzed on alcohol, but he wasn't staggering or anything like that. Alcoholics generally have a high tolerance for alcohol, and can be quite drunk before losing motor skills.

I told him to wait outside and not come in. The last time I said I'd give something to a beggar, he followed me into the store first, and it felt rather manipulative. So now, saying "wait for me outside, and DON'T follow me into the store, or else I won't give you anything" is part of my response.

I shouldn't mind people starting a conversation with me. After all, I strike up conversations with strangers too.

I went in and looked for something nutritious and not too expensive, but didn't find anything suitable, not even prepared sandwiches. It was all junk food and some refridgerated food that you couldn't eat without preparation.

Then it dawned on me that I had a lot of cans of chunky soup and cans of vegetables in the car that I just bought real cheap.

I figured he might be homeless, so I purchased a small box of plastic eating utensils. I took them out to the car, put together a shopping bag of 4 cans of chunky soup in pop-top cans, and 2 cans of vegetables, and took it to him.

He was also rummaging through the sand-filled ashtray near the door, collecting cigarette butts with some smokeable tobacco still on them.

He accepted the groceries and said thank-you. I turned to go toward my car, and he started to leave too. It was only then that it occurred to me to offer him a Bible and a Book of Mormon. Giving him gospel material had not even come to mind up until that point.

I asked him if he had a Bible, and he said yes, and that he read it. So I reached in the car and got out an English Book of Mormon, and an English Gospel Principles manual. I gave them to him and said my church uses these books along with the Bible.

We were only four blocks from the LDS chapel that serves that area. So I took out the info-flyer that I had in the Book of Mormon, and circled that chapel's address, and circled the time that that ward meets, and told him to go there on Sunday, and take his Bible, and those two books.

Looking back as I write this, I was a bit too strident at that point, and I should have invited him to attend instead of telling him to go. The last time I was hit up by a beggar I felt very manipulated, so maybe I was taking it out on this guy, which he didn't deserve. But at least he has a couple meals worth of food, and if he does show up at that ward next Sunday, hopefully they'll treat him nicer than I did.

This encounter was a good lesson for me, to remind me that I need to strive to be more polite, humble, non-threatening and non-manipulative when contacting people, and that literally everybody is a child of God and someone to whom I'd like to give reading material. This was an interesting juxtaposition of events.