Friday, June 22, 2007

Missed opportunity. Fri, Jun 22, 2007.

06/22/2007. Journal Entry. (Road trip to visit family, continued. On the return trip home.) I blew it again. First a little background. I don't offer material to every store cashier I meet. I only offer material to (almost all) those who speak foreign languages; and for those who apparently speak only English I offer material only when I feel spiritually inspired to.

This was an inspired stop, I had no other reason or motivation to stop. Which gas station/convenience store to go to at that exit was inspired, or spiritually prompted. It wasn't until I got inside that I recognized it as a place I had been during last year's trip.

And when I paid for my purchase, it was the same cashier as last year. Here was my chance to repent for chickening out last year, the feeling that I needed to offer her some church material was the same. And I chickened out again.

I vainly tried to "make up for it" by talking to a truck driver who had paused outside to have a soft-drink. He was from South America, so we spoke Spanish, but he had to move on.

I felt the withdrawal of the Spirit and didn't go back in. But since I got home, even now as I write this, the thought of making a special trip back there comes to mind. When will I learn?

Again, I only offer material to English-only speaking people when prompted. So those situations stand out. On this trip I probably went to a dozen additional gas stations, visits that I haven't journaled, because I observed no opportunity and made no offers. Most of those stops were of my own volition, not inspired. There were plenty of English-only speaking people I could have made offers to, but didn't because the people and the circumstances didn't fit the pattern. I feel absolutely no guilt at all about those, there's no sense of loss. But this one, I feel guilt and a sense of loss. I was supposed to say something, and I didn't.

06/22/2007. Journal entry. A few exits down the road, I felt inspired to take a certain exit, and go to a certain gas station. However, no opportunities presented themselves, and I felt no further directions. There were no guilty feelings associated with not encountering or speaking to anyone, so I believe it could have been a "timing loop" (to adjust the timing of a future encounter) or a test.

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